BDSM Toys 101: The Complete Guide to Bondage Gear in 2023

Vanilla sex can be wonderful.

Whether you like it rough, romantic, or rambunctious, it feels good to find pleasure with a partner.

What is vanilla sex?

It’s essentially what people think of as standard sexual activities that don’t involve fetishes or kink activities.

And it’s great. But…

Sometimes you just need something a little different. Something a little more intense.

And when that’s the mood you’re in, bondage gear and BDSM toys are a fun solution.

They can take you and your partner from delicious vanilla to any tantalizing flavor combination you can imagine.

So if you’re looking for some new ideas or new toys, you’re in the right place to explore sexy bondage gear and exciting BDSM toys for couples. Within the articles you’ll find below are kinky sex toys for everyone from curious beginners to advanced kinksters.

We’ve also got you covered with tips on how to use them and what to look for in quality BDSM toys.

The Top Pick in Bondage Gear

If you’re looking for a high-quality set of bondage gear that’s going to last for many years (and through many sexy playtime scenes), then here is what you want:

Mercer Cuff Series

They are one of the sexiest sets of handcuffs you’ll find, and their quality far surpasses the majority of BDSM cuffs on the market.

What makes this set of cuffs stand out from the rest?

Unlike the vast majority of leather wrist cuffs, these are made from premium garment leather. That means they are softer, more flexible, and more comfortable for long-term wear. We’re not talking about stiff leather here. They don’t even need to be lined with fur. Just velvety leather against your skin.

They also come in several different colors — black, red, or pink — which is nice when you want bondage accessories that aren’t all black.

The cuffs have D-rings for attaching rope, chains, or leashes, and there’s a place to add a lock to ensure they stay on.

The Top Pick in BDSM Toys for Couples

For a versatile, long-lasting impact toy for sensation play, you need quality. And here it is:

Coco de Mer Brown Leather Flogger

This flogger emanates sex and luxury. It looks like a piece from your hottest erotic fantasies, and the brown leather is a classy departure from the typical black BDSM toys.

The falls on this flogger are suede on both sides, setting the toy apart from other floggers with only one suede side on the falls.

The Coco de Mer Brown Leather Flogger has a tightly braided handle that won’t come unraveled after repeated play. It’s truly a high-quality piece that you can use for years.

And the versatility of use means you won’t get tired of it after just a few times playing with it. It can be used to tickle with light strokes from the ends of the falls, whack with the middle of the falls for a thuddy flogging, or strike with the ends of the falls for a whip-like stinging sensation.

And if you get tired of all that, you can even use the handle itself as an impact toy or gag.

Answers to Your Questions About BDSM and Bondage

Here are some things to understand as you enter into bondage and other BDSM activities:

Why do people like bondage and other BDSM play?

You are certainly not alone in being interested in bondage and other BDSM play. It’s a way to engage a person’s imagination and creativity during sexual activities. Some people even like to engage in bondage or BDSM without having sex involved, and that can be fun too.

One of the things that people find appealing about kinky play styles is that they require a higher level of trust in your partner or partners, which can lead to enhanced emotional intimacy. It requires tapping into one’s vulnerability.

There are also many other reasons someone might enjoy BDSM.

When engaging in bondage, some people enjoy the sense of feeling small when restrained certain positions. Some find an aesthetic appeal in the look of a person tied up in rope. And others enjoy the sensations of pain or physical challenge presented by intense bondage. These latter people may identify as masochist.

Likewise, a masochist may enjoy impact play that causes pain. Or even those who do not identify as masochists can enjoy impact and sensory play if they find pleasure in being ordered to serve as stress relief (consensually, of course) to a sadist. Sadists are individuals who experience pleasure from challenging others physically or mentally, which can include giving painful sensations to a partner.

Other types of BDSM play, like sensory deprivation, help you to heighten your senses (or those of your partner). For instance, when a person is blindfolded, they tend to be more alert to scent, sound, and touch. That can lead to some intense sensations.

Couple that kind of sensory deprivation with other sensory play, like impact play with a flogger, and you can create some really intense moments. Do you see why someone might want to combine the effects of toys like a blindfold and a flogger? Or a hood and rope?

The possibilities are exciting!

There is no wrong reason to enjoy BDSM play, as long as you are doing so with respect and consent.

What does consent look like in terms of BDSM?

When engaging in this type of play, all parties need to consent specifically to each of the activities they are involved in. Consenting to have sex is not the same as consenting to BDSM activities.

And consenting to one activity, such as having a collar put on, should not be assumed to be a consent to any other activities that have not yet been discussed. Proceed with caution, especially with new partners or new activities.

Some types of BDSM play are called “consensual non-consent play”. This is when you are roleplaying a scene where you pretend there is not consent, such as one partner yelling “No! Don’t!” during the scene, but you have agreed ahead of time that in this scenario “no” does not mean no.

It is not recommended for beginners to engage in consensual non-consent scenes. In the beginning, it is better for all parties involved to agree that “no” does, in fact, mean no.

That being said, if you are engaging in a consensual non-consent scene, that is the time to have an agreed-upon safe word that indicates the scene needs to end. The purpose of the safe word is to have an alternative word that means no when the actual word “no” is not being taken literally.

What about play that involves gags or removing a partner’s ability to speak? You still need a way for anyone involved to stop the scene if they need to. In those cases, there is a handy thing called a “drop object”.

The drop object can be any item that the person can hold (typically in their hand), and that they can drop from their hand to indicate it is time to stop. But you can get creative with this, as well, such as making the drop object an item they must hold in their mouth, which they can then drop from their mouth when they are ready to stop.

However you are playing, remember the Golden Rule of Consent in BDSM — everyone involved should be enjoying the experience!

What safety issues should I consider for bondage and BDSM?

Any toy used incorrectly can pose a risk. With BDSM play, it’s always best to start at the beginning and work your way up through experience.

That doesn’t mean you have to try out every different kind of toy, but it does mean that you should take it slow when you’re starting with a new kink activity.

Some basic safety advice that applies to bondage and BDSM is:

• Always use lubricant for anal penetration (and often for vaginal penetration).
• Always start with a smaller toy (or fingers) for warmup stretching of the anus before anal penetration with larger toys or body parts.
• Always clean penetration toys before and after each use.
• Only tie someone up with rope if you have practiced ahead of time AND have a safe cutting tool for emergency release.
• Check for potential nerve damage or circulation issues during bondage, especially rope bondage.
• Check with your partner about any medical issues before engaging in bondage or BDSM activities.
• Start impact play with gradual warmup to get the skin ready for more intense sensations or pain (unless you have specifically negotiated otherwise and the person is experienced with intense pain processing).
• Ensure that items like collars, harnesses, or hoods are fitted properly.
• Check in with each other throughout the scene to make sure everyone involved is still okay and having a good time.
• Never leave a restrained person alone. Never leave a restrained person alone. Never leave a restrained person alone. (Yes, it’s repeated on purpose — it’s that important.)

How do different BDSM toys feel?

You have a whole range of sensations available to you in various BDSM toys. In addition to the heightened awareness discussed about sensory deprivation toys, like blindfolds and masks, there are numerous sensation toys.

Here are a few varieties:

• Ticklers
• Floggers
• Paddles
• Whips
• Crops
• Canes
• Pinwheels
• Anal hooks
• Nipple clamps
• Ball crushers

It is worth noting that BDSM play does not have to be painful. Pain play is only one type of sensory experience. Some people like it, and some do not. It’s okay to be on either side of that line (or anywhere in the middle!).

At the less intense end of the spectrum are ticklers, nipple clamps, and pinwheels. These tend to provide lighter or at least more tolerable sensations, though the pinwheel is prickly. (And the intensity of the nipple clamps depends on how tightly they are applied.)

Floggers and paddles are in the middle of the sensation range, but can be used lightly or intensely, depending on how hard the strike is. They tend to be somewhat stingy, but not as much as a whip.

Whips, canes, and ball crushers are at the more extreme end of the range, tending to deliver more intense sensations that are typically painful. Whips provide a sharp, stinging sensation. And the intensity of a cane depends upon the diameter (narrower equals more sting), the material, and the delivery.

This is just a small taste of the sensations available through BDSM toys.

Bondage Kits for Beginners

Bondage kits are an excellent option for beginners to BDSM play.

They often include multiple items to start off your collection and allow you to try out different types of gear and toys.

They’re also a great way to save money on multiple pieces. You’ll find things like blindfolds, handcuffs, and ankle restraints in many bondage kits. Some also come with extra toys like ball gags or ticklers.

1. Evening Tea Bondage Set

The evening tea bondage set is a fun place to start your bondage gear collection. It includes:

• Soft, red and black wrist cuffs
• A matching red and black Velcro collar
• A black, 36” leash
• A 16” faux leather flogger with red handle
• A black faux leather paddle
• 5’ of black cotton rope
• A red feather tickler

And it comes in a discreet box that looks like a book!

Start experimenting with different ways of restraining and enjoying heightened sensations.

Kinky Restraint Sets and Handcuffs

Restraint sets and handcuffs are the essentials for bondage play. Restraint toys make it easy to tie up your partner (or get tied up) and enhance your sexy time sensations.

You can find a variety of bondage gear for whatever positions you like, including:

• Over-the-door equipment
• Restraints that tie one body part to another
• Collars
• Handcuffs and ankle cuffs
• Rope
• Spreader bars
• And harnesses

2. Adjustable Stocks

The Adjustable Stocks are a spreader bar restraint set that is width adjustable to accommodate bodies of various sizes. The adjustability also enables different play positions, like laying down, kneeling, or tied to a chair.

They are also swivel-mounted to allow the restrained individual some movement, which helps with comfort during longer wear and the ability to maintain circulation in the feet or hands.

Get yourself or your partner locked into a sexy pose for playtime.

BDSM Floggers, Whips, and Ticklers

Floggers, whips, and ticklers, oh my!

These BDSM sensation and impact toys are staples of the kinky toy bag. Each sensation toy provides different levels of intensity and ways to touch or be touched.

You can enjoy the light caress of a tickler, the warm impact of a flogger, or the stinging pain of a whip. How much pain and pleasure is involved is up to you and your partner.

3. Flicker Whip

The Flicker Whip is a highly recommended BDSM impact or sensation toy. With its short, tasseled end, you can control where it strikes and deliver sensations at the precise location you intend, unlike longer whips that are more difficult to control. This precision makes it excellent for beginners to whip play.

That doesn’t mean it’s only for beginners though. Another desirable feature of this whip is that the tasseled end doubles as a tickler. That means you get two toys in one and can experiment with different sensations without switching toys.

Blindfolds and Masks

Blindfolds and masks come in a ton of different varieties, and honestly, you could take a strip of clothing or fabric and have a decent blindfold in a pinch. But there is something luxurious about having an adjustable and comfortable sensory deprivation piece specifically for sexy times.

Maybe you’re into intense sensory deprivation that can only be achieved with a full leather or latex hood. Or maybe you want something light and playful with a cute design.

Blindfolds and masks are a basic piece that can take your play in so many different directions, and there’s no wrong style. It just depends on what you want from your eye cover.

4. Foam Padded Aviator Blindfold

What sets this blindfold apart from others? Its superior blackout coverage. Rather than one eye mask piece, the Foam Padded Aviator Blindfold has two separate oval-shaped eye patches.

Made from high-quality, padded leather, this is one sexy blindfold. And you won’t get gaps in eye coverage that let in light and ruin the sensory deprivation experience. Bonus, this blindfold can be locked in place with a separate lock and key.

Anal Hooks

Anal hooks are delicious BDSM toys that combine well with bondage play. If you enjoy anal sex toys and want to kick things up a notch, anal hooks have external stainless steel arms that allow for easy manipulation and tie-offs.

A classic use of anal hooks is to use rope to attach the end of the anal hook to a head harness (or hair if it’s long enough). This creates a pull on the hook each time the head moves.

5. Double Ball Anchor with Rope Hook

This is such an exciting anal sex toy! If you like combining anal play with bondage, then you should definitely check this one out.

The two external rods with rings allow rope, chain, or leashes to be attached at both ends, for more possibilities than the typical anal hook allows.

And the double balls provide an interesting sensation that is different from a standard single-ball anal hook. Because the first ball is smaller in diameter, it allows for gradual entry of the larger ball.

Bondage Rope and Tape

Rope or tape? Which to use?

It all depends on the scenario you are building. Bondage rope, of course, is best for intermediate to experienced users who know how to tie and untie safely. Tape, on the other hand, can be used by those of all experience levels.

And bondage tape is made specially for sexy play so that it doesn’t stick to hair or skin, only to itself.

Bondage tape is great for quick tie-ups that don’t require an attachment point. And bondage rope is the ultimate bondage tool for more interesting ties and being able to add an attachment point to your restraint play. Plus, learning to use it is part of the fun.

6. Natural Jute Rope by Paraphilia Toys

Jute rope is a classic natural-fiber rope for Shibari-style rope bondage, restraint ties, and decorative ties. It’s easy to work with because it retains its size and twist after tying and retying many times. Jute also becomes more pliable and improves with use.

And Paraphilia Toys makes sure their jute comes primed with conditioner (also all-natural) so it’s not as stiff as jute rope from other companies.

Fetish Clothing for All Bodies

Fetish clothing can be fun, cute, sexy, or powerful looking. It can even be a little scary or silly, depending on the aesthetic you are going for. What it should do ultimately is make you feel good about how you present yourself in private or at kink events.

And now you can readily find fetish clothing for nearly any body type, as well as plenty of masculine options, like Rubber Men’s Jeans.

Latex is a popular option, but it’s not the only option if you’re allergic. Some other types of fetishwear include:

• Harnesses
• Collars
• Corsets
• And lingerie items for both women and men

7. The Madonna Gown

This latex dress fits snugly with a flared out bottom for a look that is both sexy and powerful. It also happens to come in sizes from XS to 3X and has 33 color options, including solid latex shades, pearl shades, and transparent latex shades.

Cleavage-bearing and body-hugging, this fetish dress really does it all. And the long length and sleeves make it appropriate to wear even at non-fetish events.