So you’ve given it some thought and you’re finally ready to try anal sex.

That’s exciting!

You’re in for a very interesting time, full of new tantalizing sensations.

However, like anything else, there’s a right and a wrong way to do anal.

And as a beginner, making sure you do it right is especially important.

But here’s some good news:

I’m here to explain everything to you!

I’ll start with some essential tips to pay attention to, then cover everything you need to consider.

Tips on How to Have Anal Sex

12 Things Beginners Should Keep in Mind About Anal Sex

You’ll never know how you feel about anal until you try it for yourself.

Butt play can seem intimidating or even scary to a rookie, but preparation makes all the difference. And you can’t have preparation without knowledge.

Here are some factors to keep in mind as an anal beginner:

1. Use Lots of Lube

I can’t stress this point enough. Your anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina does, so lubing it up is your job.

Whether you’re engaging in some light foreplay or having full-on penetration, always use enough lube.

Either water or silicone-based lubricant works, but make sure you pick a product specifically formulated for anal play. That will ensure that the product has a thicker consistency.

Gel lubricant lasts longer, so you don’t have to reapply as often.

Lube is mandatory for pleasurable butt play and absolutely essential for comfort!

Check out our anal lube guide for more info on this.

2. Choose Your Toys Carefully

As a beginner, you need to choose small toys for anal.

Butt plugs and anal beads are a good place to begin.

Butt plugs and anal beads

Eventually, you can move onto more advanced items, like vibrating wands or double-penetration toys.

Always make sure that the toys you select are designed specifically for anal. Anal toys will have a handle or flared base to ensure that they don’t get sucked up into the rectum.

They also typically have a tapered design for comfortable entry. Don’t use regular vaginal dildos for anal, as this can be dangerous.

3. Pay Attention to the Mental Aspect

Butt play might seem like a purely physical act, but your mentality strongly affects the experience.

The anal sphincter is slower to relax than other muscles, so you can’t rush butt stuff.

Trust me:

Pushing yourself too fast with anal play isn’t going to end well.

Deep breathing, cuddling, and regular intercourse are all good warmups for anal sex, as they increase relaxation.

4. Prioritize Foreplay

When your anus isn’t used to being penetrated, you need to ease into the experience.

Anal foreplay, including fingering and rimming, can help the process.

Here’s the deal:

Starting with a lubed-up fingertip is best for complete anal newbies. Have your partner very gently and slowly insert the tip of their finger.

If that feels okay, they can start pressing in a little deeper. I recommend having them pause to check in with you and make sure everything feels okay before proceeding.

You can then progress to taking an entire finger, or two, then introducing toys to the mix.

5. Avoid Thrusting (at First)

Real anal sex is nothing like the kind you see in porn, and especially not in the beginning!

Your partner may be (understandably) excited and eager to get inside your butt. But they need to be patient and take it slow to create a positive experience for you.

People who claim that anal sex hurts were likely rushing the process.

Tell your partner not to thrust enthusiastically during your first experience.

Instead, you should set the pace as the receiver.

6. It’s Not as Dirty as You Might Think

You might be wondering:

Isn’t butt sex super unsanitary?

A lot of people are afraid of butt stuff because they think it’s dirty. But the truth is, your rectum is just a passageway for poop.

In other words, it’s unlikely that there’s much fecal matter hanging out inside your anus.

People who are concerned about hygiene can follow some simple steps to ensure cleanliness (more on this later). But do yourself a favor and get rid of the idea that anal is a gross or dirty act.

It doesn’t have to be, if you’re smart about it!

7. Don’t Ignore the Outside Area

People who are new to anal might assume that all the action happens inside the butt. However, thinking this way means missing out on tons of fun.

The outside of your anus is full of sensitive nerve endings. Having your partner stimulate these can be very pleasurable.

Receiving a butt cheek massage is also immensely pleasurable. Plus, it can enhance your relaxation and set the stage for enjoyable penetration later.

And not to mention, these steps can be a nicer way to ease into butt play, rather than trying to (literally) dive right in.

8. Anal Should Never Hurt

You might, like many others, think that anal is supposed to hurt at first. This is a common myth perpetuated by misinformation.

The truth is that anal should never hurt. If it does, you’re either moving too fast, not using enough lube, or both.

I’ll go over some essential steps you can take to ensure a pain-free anal experience later on.

Until then, banish your fears about painful anal and remember that it never has to hurt.

9. Explore the Territory Yourself

You’ll feel much more comfortable having someone else play with your butt if you’ve already done it yourself.

Start by inserting the tip of your finger in the shower to see how it feels. You can practice relaxing your muscles and feeling how the sphincter loosens up.

I recommend getting familiar with this before having your partner go anywhere near your butt. That will help you relax when it comes time to share the experience with them.

10. Don’t Neglect Your Other Body Parts

Sure, it’s exciting to introduce butt play to your sexual repertoire. But anal feels best when you’re also stimulating other parts of your body.

Ask your partner to play with your nipples or clitoris while they’re also playing with your butt. Receiving pleasure like this can also help you relax and loosen up more.

And when the rest of you is relaxed, your anus gets looser and easier to penetrate.

11. Try Out Different Positions

Anal doesn’t only have to be done from behind.

Just like ordinary sex, there are lots of positions you can try for a pleasurable experience.

You’ll probably find that some positions feel more comfortable than others. But you won’t know what works best for you until you try some different options.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to anal sex positions. Everyone is different!

12. Don’t Force it

Anal can take some getting used to, but it’s not for everyone.

If you’ve followed all the steps in this guide and still don’t find anal enjoyable, it’s probably not for you.

There’s no shame in that. How much you can enjoy anal depends on a lot of factors including how comfortable you are with your partner.

But in some cases, people just don’t enjoy receiving items up their butt. You shouldn’t ever have to force yourself to do anything sexual.

If anal isn’t for you, that’s perfectly okay.

Keeping these points in mind, let’s get into how to approach your first butt play experience.

How to Prepare for Your First Session

How to Prepare for Your First Session

Hygiene is a major concern for many first-time anal explorers. In fact, this is what keeps many people from trying butt stuff.

It can be difficult to relax when you’re worried that your partner might encounter fecal matter.

And relaxation is crucial for pleasurable butt play. In other words, cleanliness is a must if you want to enjoy your anal experience.

Here are a few quick guidelines for anal hygiene:

Eat a Clean Diet

If you eat a diet full of sugar, greasy foods, and junk, your rectum probably isn’t very clean.

And an unclean rectum means your partner is likelier to encounter fecal matter when they’re playing with your butt.

In order to reduce this residue, drink plenty of water and eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, and healthy grains such as oatmeal.

A cleaner diet means cleaner poops, which will leave behind less residue in your rectum. With a clean anal passageway, you can relax into your anal play experience and enjoy it more fully.

Avoid Cross-Contamination

Spreading bacteria from the anus to the vagina can cause a nasty infection, and nobody wants that!

Always make sure you’re washing your hands if you touch your vagina after touching your anus. And tell your partner to do the same.

Alternatively, designate one hand for anal stimulation and the other for vaginal stimulation. Always wash your hands after engaging in anal play, as well.

Use an Anal Douche

This step isn’t absolutely necessary but can be immensely helpful for people who are especially squeamish about anal cleanliness.

An anal douche is a hollow bulb with a thin tube at the end that you insert into your rectum.

To use it, fill the bulb with warm water, lube up the tip of the device, then squirt warm water up into your anus. Do this over the toilet a couple times until the water runs clear.

These points are just the tip of the iceberg for cleanliness during butt stuff. To learn more, check out my in-depth guide to anal hygiene.

How to Avoid Pain and Be Safe

sex educator teaching about anal sex positions

There’s a common myth out there that says that anal always hurts your first time. So, it’s no wonder that so many people refuse to try it.

Do yourself a favor and get rid of this ridiculous belief!

Anal should never hurt, and if it does, you’re not doing it right.

Plain and simple. It can be uncomfortable sometimes, but that’s just your body signalling you to slow down.

And the truth is, if you do it correctly, discomfort shouldn’t be an issue at all.

Here are some quick tips to avoid pain and have a safe experience:

Know When to Go Slower

If you experience any pain or an uncomfortable amount of pressure, it’s time to slow down. Never try to push through the feeling, or you’ll risk causing damage.

Your body knows what it can handle and if something feels wrong, it means you should take a break.

Lube, Lube, and More Lube

You’ll need to apply plenty of lube both to your anus and your partner’s penis (or toy). If, at any time, you feel muscle tightness or friction, take a break and apply some more.


If you’re using a toy, check to make sure your lubricant is compatible with it. And again, remember to choose lube specifically meant for anal.

Although you’ll see them sold at many retailers, I personally caution against using numbing or desensitizing lubricants for anal play. These products can be dangerous because you won’t be able to feel when it’s time to slow down.

If you do decide to try a desensitizing product, make sure you do your research, first.

Prioritize Relaxation

Your anus is a sphincter, and it takes more time than other muscles to loosen up, so relaxation is key for pleasure.

Again, anal never has to be painful, but that’s only if you take your time with preparation.

Do what you need to do to get into a relaxed state of mind, whether it’s a glass of wine or a walk out in nature.

Once you’re nice and chilled out, you can start your anal explorations. This step is equally important as using enough lube.

The Best Position to Use

Any position can work great for pain-free beginner anal.

More important than the specific position is having the receiver control the pace and motion.

This can be done with the receiver either on top or bottom.

To learn more, read my article about pain-free anal and butt sex positions.

Are Anal Orgasms a Real Thing?

Anal orgasms are real, and there are a few different types you can have.

Your anus is close to your genitals, and as a result, stimulating the inner anal area can cause an orgasm.

To increase your chances of experiencing this ground-breaking pleasure, choose a good time for anal play.

That means a day or evening when you aren’t stressed out or thinking about work.

Types of Anal Orgasms

Your partner can stimulate your G-spot through your vaginal wall during anal, causing an orgasm.

Alternatively, you can touch your clitoris during anal sex and cause an orgasm that way. Men can experience prostate orgasms while being anally penetrated.

As you can see, there are lots of fun options here. And you can also mix and match. The only limit is your imagination!

Anal Masturbation

In order to get comfortable enough with anal to have orgasms from it, you should be familiar with butt play sensations.

And what better way to get familiar than to explore the territory yourself?

You can do this with your finger or a small toy, then progress to having your partner stimulate the area.


Lube is just as important during anal masturbation as it is during anal sex.

If you want to have a good time, you need to keep the area nice and slick.


Foreplay is an essential part of having anal orgasms.

Have your partner finger you anally or stimulate your anus with their lips and tongue.

Many people find it helpful to have an orgasm before anal play. This can help you get relaxed and ready to be anally penetrated.

Anal Sex Orgasms

To have orgasms through anal sex, you’ll need to use plenty of lube and have plenty of patience.

Once you’re comfortable and have already engaged in some anal foreplay, you can move onto actual butt sex.

The receiver should do the moving, so they can find the most stimulating motion to reach orgasm.

Not everyone can orgasm from anal alone, so the rest of you can try dual stimulation. This means stimulating the G-spot, clitoris, or penis while engaging in butt sex.

There’s no telling what will work best for you when it comes to having an orgasm anally. So, make sure you test out lots of different variations of stimulation.

Learn more about anal orgasms in my complete guide.

Anal Training with the Right Toys

Anal Training with the Right Toys

Also known as anal stretching, anal training is a method for ensuring smoother, more pleasurable butt play.

When you aren’t used to inserting items in your anus, you have to slowly get used to it.

The anus is a muscle, and it must be gradually loosened for easier insertion.

You can grow accustomed to anal penetration by using the right toys. You’ll want to start out small, then gradually use bigger toys. Eventually, you’ll be prepared for anal sex.

Skipping this step increases your risk of pain and damage, so take your anal training seriously! Thankfully, this is a pleasurable process, so your training won’t feel like a chore.

Learn to Relax at Will

Before introducing anal toys to the mix, teach yourself how to relax.

If you can’t intentionally loosen up your muscles, you won’t have fun with anal.

If your mind is running on overdrive during butt play, you’ll likely tense up and end up frustrated.

There are many methods for relaxation, including meditation and yoga. Once you know how to clear your mind whenever you want, you’re ready to advance.

Anal Training Toys

The best toys for beginning anal training are butt plugs and anal beads. Buy the smallest ones you can find, then you can gradually increase the size.

A butt plug is a tapered sex toy with a flared base. You insert this toy into your rectum and leave it there, unlike other toys that you use to thrust in and out.

You can learn about some of our favorite butt plug picks here.

Anal beads are just what they sound like:

A series of beads you insert into your butt. These also come in a tapered design with smaller beads at the top.

Click here to learn about our top anal bead picks.

The tapered design of both butt plugs and anal beads make them super approachable for anal newbies.

Again, only choose sex toys specifically designed for anal play. Observing this important rule will prevent any painful or dangerous mishaps in the bedroom.

Remember to Be Patient

Patience is a crucial ingredient for fun anal play. There’s no way to predict how long you’ll need to engage in anal training before you’re ready for butt sex.

Try to enjoy the journey instead of focusing too much on the destination. Work your way up to bigger toys until you feel comfortable progressing to a penis.

It’s also worth noting that anal training isn’t a one-and-done type of deal.

Keep in mind:

If you take a break from anal for a few weeks or months, you’ll need to train again. The good news is that once you’ve gone through training once, it won’t take as long the next time.

Learn more about anal training in my comprehensive guide.


While this doesn’t relate to the physical aspect of butt play, it’s equally important.

Anal is new and unfamiliar territory. It’s kinky, exciting, and can add some serious spice to your sex life.

But you need to make sure you’re communicating clearly with your partner during the process.

You should feel comfortable telling them when something feels uncomfortable or when you don’t enjoy a particular sensation.

If you and your partner don’t have good communication already, you may want to work on this first, before trying anal.

If you’re already comfortable communicating with them, you’re good to go. Just make sure to talk before, during, and after butt play.

Let them know what you liked and what you didn’t like and ask them to share the same things with you.

Your partner can’t read your mind, so communication is essential for successful anal.

Have Fun With it!

Most importantly, don’t take anal play too seriously and remember to have fun.

Sex is an incredible experience that’s meant to bring you pleasure.

If, at any time, you start feeling frustrated or stressed out, it’s time to step back and take a break.

As mentioned, a positive anal experience depends heavily on relaxation.

If you’re feeling wound-up or getting irritated, you can always stop and try butt stuff again later.

Keep all of these points in mind and you should have a fulfilling anal experience.